Darren Wilson is the first 6ft 4in, 210lb five-year-old in history - by Piers Morgan
"When I grabbed him, the only way I can describe it is I felt like a five-year-old holding Hulk Hogan…that's just how big he felt and how small I felt from grasping his arm.'
This is how Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson justified shooting black teenager Michael Brown. Reading this particular piece of evidence from the vast dump of Grand Jury documents released last night, it'd be impossible not to sympathize with Wilson.
A lone 'small' policeman in a patrol car confronted by a gigantic Hulk. There's just one problem. Wilson, by his own admission in his police interview, is 6ft 4in tall, the exact same height as Michael Brown.
He also weighs 210lbs, which may be 80lbs lighter than Brown, but still makes him a pretty hefty unit.
Put it this way, I've never seen or heard of any 6ft 4in, 210lb five-year-old boys, have you?
Wilson paints a very detailed and vivid picture of the savage beating he took from Brown.
'I was hit right here in the side of the face with a fist,' he said. 'I think it was a full-on swing but not a full shot. I think my arm deflected some of it, but there was still a significant amount of contact that was made to my face.'
Then, allegedly, came a second punch.
'I see his hand coming back around…and he hit me with a full swing.'
Imagine being hit by two full swing punches at close quarters by a 6ft 4in guy weighing nearly 300lbs?
You would think the damage would be pretty severe, right?
Yet the photographs released last night of Wilson's injuries show what appears to be a very minor bruise on his cheek, a tiny shaving-style cut on his chin, and a bit of reddening around the back of his neck.
(By comparison, my three-year-old daughter – 38 inches high and 32lbs in weight - recently broke my wife's nose with a playful head-butt.)
Evidence presented to the Grand Jury says Wilson didn't feel the need to go to hospital, but agreed to after a conversation with his attorney. Hospital staff found no significant injury at all.
Yet Wilson says the reason he felt compelled to shoot Brown is because he feared 'another one of those punches in my face could knock me out or worse…I've already taken two to the face, the third one could be fatal if he hit me right.'
Fatal? Really? After two blows that didn't require medical treatment?
Dig further into the weeds of Wilson’s account and you learn that Brown was supposedly carrying a bunch of cigarillos in his right hand when he delivered the first punch, then switched them to his left hand and passed them to his friend before delivering the second punch.
Yet despite all this apparently intense struggle going on inside the car, there was not a single trace of cigarillo found anywhere in the vehicle.